Review by J.T. Johnson
I have only one plea to make to China and the other foreign box office markets. Please stop watching the “Transformers” films. Every time you watch these films, Paramount Pictures decides to make another sequel because you’ve propelled this pile of mediocrity to the top of the box office. Then, I’ve got to sit down at my computer and write about the latest dumpster fire that director Michael Bay has decided to hit us over the head with.
That being said, I honestly don’t know what to say first about “Transformers: The Last Knight”. It’s the fifth entry in the series and I know a bunch of stuff happens and robots fight other robots while dumb human beings run around, but it’s also all a blur. I guess I can go ahead and mention what I liked about the movie.
The special-effects were top notch…
Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I’ll try to briefly explain what this movie is about. Optimus Prime has disappeared since “Age of Extinction” and a war has broken out between the humans and the Transformers. Mark Wahlberg returns as Cade Yeager and in this film, he is on the run while trying to protect some of his Autobot friends including the ever-present Bumblebee.
Meanwhile, Optimus is floating around aimlessly in space and picked up by Quintessa, the creator of the Transformers who also resides on what remains of Cybertron, the Transfomers’ home world. She then corrupts Optimus and tells him that she plans on merging Cybertron with Earth for some reason that quite frankly bores me. Eventually, Sir Anthony Hopkins becomes the latest great actor that director Michael Bay manages to waste as a weird, eccentric character who explains everything to a dumbfounded Cade.
Right from the start, I hated this film. This is because not only did they manage to throw in even more nonsense about Transformers having already been here before, somehow they managed to infiltrate our legends. In this case, the Arthurian legend becomes what it is because… Transformers.
Like with the first four times I’ve had to talk about these films, the biggest problem is pretty much everything. The tone of the movie is way off because Bay just doesn’t seem to know when there is a need for drama and a need for humor. The movie tries to be somewhat dramatic at times before some lame joke cuts through the tension.
Also, there is so much going on that I just couldn’t feel for any one character, human or Transformer. Of course, they also needed to have a sexy female character because Bay apparently has the mind of a 13-year-old boy. In this case, that actress is Laura Haddock, a feisty professor that apparently needs to lighten up and find a man.
Okay, I need to go ahead and cut this off because honestly, I could go on and on about what I don’t like about this abortion that someone decided to call a movie and unleash upon the world. I’m just always amazed by how good Bay is at finding new levels of bad with each film that he makes.
I wish that I could say that I’m thankful that Bay has stated that this is his last Transformers film. Unfortunately, I’ve heard this before when Bay has been interviewed after the last three films. Bay always says the latest films is the last one then Paramount throws a bunch of money his way and he changes his mind.
Here’s to hoping that there is no amount of money out there that will make him come back this time.