Written by J.T. Johnson
Every year brings a healthy amount of good films for audiences to enjoy. Unfortunately, Hollywood is a quantity over quality business and that means there is also a lot of crap out there to digest as well. The following list contains my picks for the Top Ten Worst Films of 2017.
Some of these films tried but just couldn’t hit the mark while others are just atrocious. So, before we take a look at the best films of 2017 tomorrow, let us take a moment to remember the lesser films one last time before we hopefully forget them forever.
10. THE DARK TOWER
While this may be a hell of a year for Stephen King with a new adaptation of “It”, we must remember that there was also this terrible adaptation of “The Dark Tower”. In reality, the movie is not even an adaptation as much as it is a terribly average sequel to the book series. It features very little in the way of action, we barely get to spend any time with Idris Elba’s Gunslinger and Matthew McConaughey is wasted as a two-dimensional villain. If you ever needed a prime example of how not to adapt one of King’s stories, this is it.
9. UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS
Beyond being an improvement over the last few sequels, “Underworld: Blood Wars” still fails to breathe any sort of new life into this franchise. Kate Beckinsale is once again wasted with this series and I truly hope it is dead now. I haven’t been this bored with both vampires and werewolves since the “Twilight” series.
8. AMERICAN ASSASSIN
“American Assassin” is a bland spy film that doesn’t really have anything going for it beyond a decent performance by the always dependable Michael Keaton. The action is subpar and this is yet another film that feels like it would have worked better in the 1990s. The story is also terribly average as it falls back on the old cliché of a villain with a nuclear bomb.
7. THE CIRCLE
“The Circle” wants to be a cautionary tale about social media and those who control it. Instead, it comes off as a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream about a bunch of people who want to watch you 24/7. I honestly can’t believe that talented performers such as Tom Hanks, Emma Watson, Karen Gillen, and Patton Oswalt chose to be in this god awful film.
Originally, it was reported that this film was a sequel to the original 1990 film, but it’s actually a piss poor remake after all. It has a hokey twist in the middle that takes away the only thing the film had going for it. Also, I couldn’t have cared less for the characters in this film and since it adds nothing new to the original film’s plot, it also proves to be an unnecessary remake to boot.
5. TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT
I still don’t know how the “Transformers” franchise makes any money. It is an absolutely terrible series and “The Last Knight” proves to be the worst of them all. Not that he cared before, but it looks like director Michael Bay just decided to throw a whole bunch of “Fuck It” into this film that contains a bunch of nonsense that I’m just trying to forget. This will be the last film in the “Transformers” franchise that I’ll ever review. I just can’t take it anymore.
At least this sequel to the 2002 film “The Ring” does attempt to add something to the story, but it can’t get past being a rather dull experience. With a completely forgettable plot and absolutely no scares whatsoever, I just don’t see how anyone can get anything out of this movie. Paramount wanted this to be its new horror franchise after “Paranormal Activity”, but I think they’re going to have to look elsewhere.
It’s very rare that you get a comedy like “21 Jump Street” that manages to take something old from TV and turn it into a laugh-out-loud comedy. Most of them end up like “CHiPs”, a terrible comedy with a brain dead story and absolutely zero laughs. While a couple of other films did eventually fall below this film, it was a heavy contender for worst film of the year.
2. THE BYE-BYE MAN
This movie is so bad that I’m actually having trouble even remembering that I watched it. I guess I just want to forget this atrocious film that doesn’t really even feel like it tried. The PG-13 rating means that it’s too tame for hardcore horror fans and the terrible story of a ghostly figure that comes after you once you learn of his existence has been done to death.
1. THE SNOWMAN
This film is the worst not just for the lazy filmmaking and incoherent story. It’s also the worst because there is actually some talent involved both onscreen and behind the camera. Michael Fassbender gives a lazy performance while leading an even lazier supporting cast. The movie was even produced by Martin Scorsese. Still, once you see the first scene of a horribly dubbed Val Kilmer, you’ll know you just sat down to experience the absolute worst film of 2017.